It’s a funny old time, this. The house is technically ours – or will be, as soon as the money finishes faffing about behind the scenes. But we haven’t got the keys yet. We can’t go in. We can’t rip owt out. We can’t even put a kettle on. And that gives us plenty of time to do what any sensible human does in these situations: wildly overthink everything.

Let’s be honest, Hedera Cottage is not your usual doer-upper. She’s a timber-framed, floating-floored, single-glazed enigma perched somewhere between charm and collapse. When we first saw her, we saw potential. Now, waiting for completion, we see… potential problems. Many. And possibly structural.

Can she support the grand vision?

We don’t just mean emotionally (though she may need counselling after what we’ve got planned). We mean physically. Like: will the roof stay on when we poke at it? Will the floating floor float away if someone sneezes too hard?

The plan is bold. Insulate, modernise, heat the place with clever wires underfoot and harvest the sun for power like some kind of eco-monk. But that’s assuming the bones of the place are up to it. And right now, we’re still in that phase where everything’s theoretical, and nobody’s yet lifted a floorboard or dared to peer into the void that might be the loft.

There might be bats. There might be asbestos. There might be some bloke called Dave still living in the walls. Who knows?

We’ve been busy, mind. Phoning insurance people who laugh hollowly when we mention “timber frame.” Watching YouTube videos about sustainable heating until our eyes cross. Making lists. Making lists about the lists. Wondering if we’ll end up living in the shed, or possibly a tent in the garden, with a compost toilet and a spaniel each for warmth.

But it’s all part of the story, this bit. The twitchy, impatient, what-if-we’ve-bought-a-money-pit stage. Shedera (as we’re now occasionally calling her, when she’s being a drama queen) hasn’t even let us through the door yet, and already she’s taken over the calendar, the thoughts, and the dreams.

Still. One step at a time.

We’ll get the keys soon.

Then we’ll really see what we’ve done.