Because paying peak prices for lukewarm radiators isn’t the dream

There’s a certain sort of chill that creeps in at Hedera Cottage when the radiators wheeze to life and the electric meter starts spinning like it’s trying to escape. See, the house runs entirely on electricity — a bold choice in a land of drizzle and early sunsets — and while it’s technically “on mains,” the insulation is of the “don’t lean on the wall or you’ll feel a breeze” variety.

At the moment, everything’s powered by standard-rate electricity: water heating, radiators, possibly the air itself. That means every hot shower or attempt to heat the place costs more than it ought to, especially during peak times when everyone else is doing the same. And given we’re aiming to make the place warm, smart and cheap to run — not just a well-located wind tunnel — something’s got to change.

So here’s the plan: we start storing energy. Like a squirrel, but with fewer acorns and more lithium-ion. We charge up a home battery during the night when electricity’s cheap, and then use that stored energy throughout the day when rates soar higher than the North York Moors in winter.

The benefits are obvious:

• Use off-peak power at peak times
• Stay warm without weeping into your Yorkshire Tea
• Future-proof the place for solar panels, should the sun ever return to this part of the world

The challenges, though, are classic Hedera:

• Where do you put the thing?
• Will the floor hold it or will it drop straight through into the void and start its own sub-floor rave?
• Can the current system be bodged gently into playing nicely with a battery setup, or will everything short out the moment someone plugs in a hairdryer?

We’ve not picked a specific battery yet, but the idea’s gaining momentum — especially as winter looms and we start eyeing energy price graphs the way others watch weather forecasts.

Of course, there’s the small matter of cost. Batteries aren’t exactly cheap, and Hedera’s to-do list is already the length of a scaffolding pole. But if we can make it work — and store the juice when it’s cheap — we might just get through the colder months without bankrupting ourselves or having to share a hot water bottle with the spaniels.

To be continued… probably while wrapped in a blanket and muttering about kilowatts.